I'm buying a shit load of flavored tobacco now and storing it.
Because it's now going to be a banned substance.
Thank you Mister Obama, for taking yet more choices from the people.
Let me go through why this law is Bullshit:
Allowing the FDA to restrict tar and nicotine and putting all tobacco through FDA approval: They aren't supervised. They could, effectively, restrict tobacco entirely, killing a multi-billion dollar industry over-night; something our economy obviously needs. They are also basically souring the milk, which is a shit tactic. Balls up and just ban it so I can truly say "FUCK YOU."
Requires warning labels to cover half the pack: Forgive me if I skip argumentation and just laugh at this for a few minutes. If you think this matters for shit, please defriend me because you're nucking futs. No one has ever given a shit about these labels. /Ever/.
Bar's flavoring, which they call "candy additives" to remind us this is "for the children": One: Fuck the children. Two: They're skipping menthol. The number one flavored tobacco. The one likely responsible for the majority of black lung-cancer deaths (fun fact, 3/10 white smokers smoke menthol. 8/10 black smokers smoke menthol. The US has the highest lung cancer concentration amongst blacks in the world. Do the math). Mr. Obama, by even looking at this law, you further degrade black people. Hooray for inadvertent racism. Also, why not ban flavored alcohol? The hipsters would fucking freak.
Prohibits use of "light" and "Reduced Tar" as descriptions: Caveat Emptor. Fun note: most folk who smoke lights smoke them for their lighter taste, not any reduction in "bad stuff". Because they have a lighter flavor. How else should we describe these? Mild, I suppose? Maybe we should enforce a coffee standard on cigarettes: Mild, Medium, Bold, Dark Roast. No, wait, The latter two would never get the FDA's kindly approval.
Bans tobacco ads with in 1000 feet of schools and playgrounds: So much for New York City. But booze and misogyny are alright.
Bans tobacco sponsorship of sports and entertainment events: But booze and misogyny are alright.
Folks, this won't stop smokers. We're just gonna say "Fuck you" and find ways around it. Tobacco will become the new Marijuana, and it'll be just as stupid a fight. This isn't about health, and everyone should know it. It's about control. The government is /always/ about control. And we're giving it to them. Oh, and by the way–hookah smokers: this is gonna fuck you too. I know you love your flavored tobaccos. Well, those are covered in this. And NYC is pushing to close smoking bars, including the Hookah bars.
I stand as the enemy of anyone who would steal control from others, of anyone who would say that men live at the sufferance of their peers. Bite me. This law is shit, it's racist, it's going to be ineffective, and it'll cost our country millions, if not billions in effort, enforcement, and revenue.
I smoke by choice, not addiction. I throw my butts in the trash, I keep my smoke as clear of others as I can. And you will punish me for harming no one.
FINE.
I'm now going to join the lobby looking to reinstate the Prohibition. And I'm going to lobby for a ban on meat products. I'm also going to vote pro-choice and anti gun. I'm going to convert as many as I can outside my private life. You want a clean, sanitary, happy world? I'll show you what it looks like. You wanted it, I'm going to ram it down your throats.
EDIT: I'm going to smoke at least three cigarettes today, which is how many I usually do in a week. Just to "celebrate the occasion.